Major Blunder: Jimmy Carter Just Accidentally Built An ESPN Zone Instead Of A Habitat For Humanity House And Everyone Had To Act Like That Was The Plan All Along

A well-known charity has been forced to double down in the face of a major screw-up committed by the most famous representative of their organization: Jimmy Carter just accidentally built an ESPN Zone instead of a Habitat for Humanity house and everyone had to act like that was the plan all along.

A Brilliant Innovator: Elon Musk Has Announced He Is Currently Developing A Lemon With Legs That Can Sprint To Hungry People All Over The World

From PayPal to Tesla to SpaceX, Elon Musk has been one of the leading innovators of our age—a modern-day Thomas Edison ushering mankind toward a better future. And it looks like he has once again found a brilliant solution to one of mankind’s most pressing problems: Musk just announced that he is currently developing…

Frantic Search: Dad Is Asking If Anyone Has Seen His Favorite Quiksilver Shirt That He Got From PacSun In 2007 That’s Made Of That Super Soft Material That You Can See His Nipples Through

If there’s any chance you’ll be crossing Dad’s path today, you might want to brace yourself, because there’s currently an extremely volatile situation developing. Dad is asking everyone if they’ve seen his favorite Quiksilver shirt that he got at PacSun in 2007 that’s made of that crazy soft material that you can…

Gamers Rejoice: Steam Is Having A Sale This Week On 50 Pounds Of Hot Salad For Only $5

If you’re a big-time gamer, you might want to get your credit card ready, because Steam just launched a brand-new sale that almost seems too good to be true. According to a recent post on the store’s front page, 50 pounds of hot salad will be available on Steam all week for only $5!

You owe it to yourself to take…

Goodbye Tinder: Facebook’s New Dating App Finally Allows You To Romantically Connect With Your Dad’s Friend Who Likes All Your Posts Even Though You’ve Never Met Him

Online dating can be a serious headache, and it’s more likely you’ll find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of dead-end first dates than in a compatible match. But if you’re experiencing dating app fatigue, don’t lose hope of finding that special someone just yet, because Facebook just announced a brand-new dating…

A Slippery Slope: Could Bill Cosby’s Conviction Lead To A Mob Mentality Where Society Wantonly Punishes Any Serial Rapist After Decades Of Inaction?

Bill Cosby was convicted on three counts of aggravated indecent assault, and though it seems Cosby is in fact guilty, the frenzied mass reaction from the public raises a troubling question: Could Bill Cosby’s conviction lead to a mob mentality where society wantonly punishes any serial rapist after decades of inaction?

Almost Had Him: The Police Have Released The Golden State Killer From Custody Because He Was Just Too Creepy

When police arrested a man they believed to be the Golden State Killer yesterday, the world celebrated as one of history’s most brutal and notorious serial killers was finally captured more than 40 years after his reign of terror began. However, it sadly looks like justice will have to wait for another day: the police…

Bowing Out: Justin Timberlake Has Retired From Singing After Realizing That You Can Just Work In An Office

One of pop music’s most iconic superstars just announced that he’s stepping away from the microphone for good. Earlier today, Justin Timberlake issued a statement letting the world know that he’s retiring from singing after realizing you can just work in an office.

Wow. This is truly the end of an era.

Science FTW: A Team Of Weeping, Blood-Soaked Researchers Has Announced That The Music Of Phil Collins Makes Pandas Kill Each Other

Here’s some exciting news from the animal kingdom that’s really changing our understanding of the natural world. After an eventful morning at Zoo Atlanta’s giant-panda enclosure, a team of weeping, blood-soaked researchers has announced that the music of Phil Collins makes pandas kill each other!

One For The Road: SeaWorld Has Realized People Will Be Mad At It No Matter What It Does So It’s Just Going To See How Fat It Can Make A Dolphin Before It Goes Bankrupt

SeaWorld has faced a ton of backlash over the past few years for the way it treats the animals in its park. After trying unsuccessfully to repair its image for some time, the water park has recently changed its approach: SeaWorld has realized that people will be mad at it no matter what it does, so it’s decided to…

The NRA Is Claiming That The Tennessee Waffle House Shooting Would Not Have Happened If An Armed Teacher Had Been Teaching A Math Class There

After yesterday’s tragic shooting at a Waffle House in Antioch, TN, the NRA has once again come forward to reiterate their support of gun rights and the Second Amendment. Early this morning, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference to discuss how such episodes of gun violence can be…

Lending A Hand: H&M Has Added A Life Alert Button To Its Dressing Rooms To Save People Who Have A Stroke Seeing How Good They Look In Jeans

Companies like H&M know the importance of customer safety, which is why the clothing giant is taking extra precautions to put its shoppers’ minds at ease: H&M has added a Life Alert button to its dressing rooms to save people who have a stroke seeing how good they look in jeans.

Step Right Up And Feast Your Eyes On The Unfathomable Comey, The Man Who Is Both Good And Bad! The Beautiful Monster Who Makes Resisters’ Minds Spin! Betrayer Of Hillary! Enemy Of Trump! Behold This Freak Of Nature!

Ladies and gentleman of the #Resistance, what you are about to witness is a sight so strange, so confounding to the mind, so utterly freakish, that we urge all those faint of heart to look away from this ghastly exhibition at once. Behold! It is Comey! The FBI Man who is both Good and Bad!