It seems there’s just no controlling Donald Trump.
Top GOP leaders are furious with the Republican presidential nominee, as he once again blatantly ignored party strategy in favor of his own knee-jerk decision-making. Throwing all caution to the wind, Trump just arrived back in the United States with a rumbling trunk he bought from an old shop in Budapest in tow.
Trump once more showed his knack for generating bad press as he walked down a foggy alley in Hungary’s capital yesterday and suddenly found himself in a musty shop filled with relics and wonderments. Despite warnings from campaign manager Kellyanne Conway that they shouldn’t be there, Trump flagrantly picked up and inspected any item he pleased before a shopkeeper who seemed somehow young and incredibly ancient at the same time beckoned the presidential nominee to the back of the shop where pickled cobras shared shelf space with scrolls written by Anubis. It was there that Trump purchased the mysterious, growling chest that has since sent political strategists scrambling to do damage control.
It’s a major misstep in what has already been a completely reckless campaign. Online polls show Trump’s numbers taking a devastating tumble since unveiling the volatile trunk, causing Republican senators up for re-election to inch away from their ostensible leader in the hopes of separating themselves from the trunk and whatever cosmic horrors are contained therein.
Additionally, the Republican donor class has effectively closed its wallets with the message being very clear: The money stops flowing until Trump starts playing ball and casts the ornate chest filled with untold cosmic horrors into the Mariana Trench deep below the Pacific Ocean where no one can ever retrieve it.
Paul Ryan once again has been forced to walk a tightrope in a statement distancing himself from Trump’s trunk gaffe, while not outright condemning the nominee.
“I entirely disavow Mr. Trump’s hissing, rumbling trunk that appears to be infinitely large on the inside,” said the speaker of the house. “Mr. Trump’s decision to even enter the store, which can only exist on a moonless night once a millennium, never mind to then purchase anything that contains an unspeakable force of chaos, is entirely unacceptable. But do I believe that Hillary Clinton is the answer in November? No, I do not.”
If that weren’t enough, things went from bad to worse when a curious Trump campaign staffer stuck his hand in the trunk and cursed his family for ten thousand generations. Get ready to see that epic slipup again in a Trump attack ad this fall.
Wow, things are not looking good for the GOP. If the Republicans hope to win the White House in November, they really need to learn to control their candidate. They might want to think about searching for the Lost Deserts to hopefully find the Flame Of Endless Solitude or something else that can banish the snarling chest back to the beyond lands, but with Trump seemingly allergic to the GOP playbook, there’s no telling what will happen.