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Big Talk: Trump Just Announced He’s The Only Person Who Can Stop The Vines That Strangle Him In His Reflection

Just when you think Donald Trump can’t out-Trump Trump, he goes and does this.

The Republican presidential nominee has definitely made some hefty promises this election, but somehow, the one he made yesterday might just take the cake. Doubling down on the self-aggrandizing claims he’s made during the campaign, he went and announced at a press conference that he is far and away the only candidate who can stop the vines that constantly strangle him in his own reflection.


Looks like this self-proclaimed “government outsider” thinks he can take on the endless landscape of darkness that shrouds his body in mirrors all by himself. Typical Trump.

While unleashing a series of attacks against democrats yesterday, Donald Trump boldly stated that he was the only person who could defeat the thick, dark vines that slowly wrap around his reflection’s neck anytime he looks at a mirror, rain puddle, or any polished surface. In classic Trump fashion, the candidate took broad swipes at everyone from the Clintons to President Obama, and went so far as to say that no one else in the world was prepared to step up and rid his mirror of vines when they routinely slither up his reflection’s legs toward his head until they engulf his entire, paralyzed body, slowly constricting around it until he is fully unable to breathe.

Of course Trump hasn’t exactly elaborated what his plan of attack would be against the snakelike tendrils that strangle his reflection, but it’s clear that no matter what anyone says, he will, under no circumstances, ever back down. Just check out this series of tweets he wrote yesterday:


Things only went downhill from there, because Trump went onto say that, if elected, he would personally go inside his mirror and chop up every single obsidian vine that has emerged from the ground, constricted itself around his reflection, and dragged its lifeless remains deep into the sulphuric ash of the false world. Not only that, but he said that Democrats as well as mainstream Republicans were cowards for not mentioning the vines, even after he’d witnessed this smothering happen to his reflection millions of times, which includes several occasions when he caught his reflection in the eyes of his son Barron.

You’d think at this point in his campaign he’d know better than to spout rhetoric like this.


If it wasn’t clear before, now it’s official: Trump is the absolute king of false promises, and he’s not going to stop making them anytime soon. Literally anyone can step up to a podium and say they’ll defeat the vines that strangle their mirror image, but few can actually do it. Needless to say, November can’t come soon enough.

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