To anyone out there who might be thinking about stealing a hot dog, you may want to think again. Nathan’s Famous has made a major breakthrough in food service loss prevention, and it’s a total game-changer: Researchers at the iconic hot dog chain just announced that they developed a 90-pound hot dog in order to stymie thieves.


Maintaining the same length and dimensions as the traditional hot dog that Nathan’s has been selling for decades, the new 90-pound all-beef frank may look the same, but anyone trying to steal it will be in for a rude—and heavy—awakening when they try to flee. The unwieldy wiener, while not 100 percent theft-proof, would cause any potential hot dog snatcher to be visibly labored from lugging the hefty meat, and would not easily elude detection. Potential thieves would probably rather just pay the $4 menu price than experience the humiliation of being caught.


“At Nathan’s, we take pride in providing tasty hot dogs at a reasonable price, but the more people steal our products, the more difficult it is to offer our hot dogs at a low cost,” said Nathan’s Famous CEO Eric Gatoff, hoisting one of the heavy new hot dogs onto a balance scale opposite a stack of over 30 bricks to demonstrate its impressive heft. “This 90-pound hot dog will help limit theft-related revenue loss, and it of course still has the same great taste that our customers love.”

The hot dog, which weighs as much as an average 12-year-old, will be available at all Nathan’s Famous restaurants later this month. Eight-packs of Nathan’s theft-proof hot dogs will be rolling out in grocery stores in time for Memorial Day, giving store owners the peace of mind that the combined weight of 720 pounds will keep shoplifters away. Simple and brilliant!


However people choose to eat it, they’ll nonetheless be excited to enjoy such a state-of-the-art hot dog. And as for thieves? They’d better get used to paying full price like the rest of us.