One of the most recognizable brands in the sexual health industry is currently in damage-control mode as they try to recover from a gigantic PR nightmare: The CEO of Trojan just held a press conference with his 300 children to issue an urgent recall on all Trojan condoms.
Jeez. There’s no way to sugarcoat this: This is a major corporate disaster.
Speaking in front of members of the press while accompanied by his hundreds of offspring, Trojan CEO Matthew Farrell frantically issued a message to the public about serious issues pertaining to condoms that bear the Trojan trademark.
“It has recently come to our attention that Trojan condoms may have certain design flaws,” Farrell stated as hundreds of screaming toddlers, all of whom have been confirmed by DNA analysis to be his progeny, milled around his feet and tugged at his suit jacket to get him to pay attention to them. “Trust me, even if your Trojan condoms currently seem perfectly fine, you’re going to want to return them as soon as you possibly can and use a different brand of condoms until further notice.”
The rest of Farrell’s statement was drowned out by his 168 daughters and 132 sons all screaming and crying that they were hungry and wanted Farrell to give them snacks.
Woof. This can’t be good for business. It’s definitely going to be tough for Trojan to bounce back from a product recall of such a massive scale. Matthew Farrell is going to have to spend a lot of time away from his 300 kids as he tries to figure out a way to salvage his company!