If you’re planning to visit Disney World’s Hall of Presidents, you might encounter a few technical hiccups. According to park officials, the Donald Trump robot in the Hall of Presidents seems to have convinced the other presidential robots to join a Ponzi scheme to sell a product called Trump Luxury Vinegar.
Yikes, it’s sad to see this beloved Disney attraction malfunctioning badly enough to recommend a multi-level marketing scam.
Disney World technicians say that ever since they installed the animatronic figure of Donald Trump, they have observed increasing evidence that the robot replica of the president has been recruiting all of the other robot presidents into an intricate Ponzi scheme that involves selling crates of Trump Brand Luxury Vinegar in the mail in a convoluted marketing model that ultimately results in the robot Trump pocketing the majority of the revenue.
While Disney World technicians still aren’t entirely clear on what happened, they first noticed the glitch late last week when the animatronic Abraham Lincoln segued mid-Gettysburg Address into an enthusiastic sales pitch urging all Americans to enroll as a Trump Vinegar Ambassador so they can “get rich like Donald Trump working on their own schedule, selling the world’s best white vinegar from the comfort of their own homes.” For the past few days, the animatronic Lincoln has continued to eagerly explain to anyone who visits the Hall of Presidents that the patented ”Trump Pyramid of Retail Achievement” business plan allows Trump Vinegar Ambassadors to recruit their friends and family as Trump Vinegar Ambassadors, and then profit immensely by receiving a percentage of all of their vinegar sales.
The animatronic Lincoln concludes his speech by tipping his hat and saying, “Harness the power of sour, and make your bank account great again thanks to Trump Luxury Vinegar,” before robotically saluting the animatronic Trump and starting his sales pitch for Trump Luxury Vinegar over from the beginning.
Later in the show, the George Washington robot recommends that everyone purchase at least $2,000 of vinegar each month, but ideally $10,000 or more, because the more Trump Luxury Vinegar you buy, the more money you earn when you eventually sell the vinegar. The founding father then interviews “former president and vinegar expert Dwight D. Eisenhower,” who attests that Trump Luxury Vinegar is a new standard in deluxe vinegar for the true distilled vinegar connoisseur. Several other mechanical presidents, including Theodore Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy, then provide testimonials claiming that Trump Luxury Vinegar revolutionized the way they flavor salads and clean countertops, which convinced them to start selling Trump Luxury Vinegar themselves and achieve the financial independence they always dreamed of.
Unfortunately, even the new robotic President Trump’s performance is marred by technical difficulties. When the animatronic replica reenacts his swearing-in ceremony and begins to take the oath of office, he’s rendered completely inaudible due to the loud sound of all the former presidents enthusiastically applauding Trump and repeatedly chanting, “Thank you for showing us the power of vinegar,” in mechanical unison.
The former presidents’ zealous clapping and shouting does not stop until several minutes after the curtain closes and the show ends.
Until Disney World technicians can get the Hall of Presidents back in proper working order, this is bound to be a real disappointment for tourists who wanted to learn about American history instead of having an android version of Barack Obama tell them to “earn $6,000 a week just sitting at home by sailing down a river of Trump Luxury Vinegar to the Island of Self-Made Wealth.” Let’s hope that Disney fixes these bugs soon!