Meghan Markle

Looks like Meghan Markle is even more serious about becoming a royal than we thought. With her wedding to Prince Harry still weeks away, Meghan Markle has smothered a sleeping Ringo Starr with a pillow in a misguided attempt to make herself next in line to be queen.

Wow! It’s unclear why Meghan Markle was under the impression that killing Ringo would make her next in line for queen, but one thing is certain: She will do whatever it takes to sit on that throne.


By examining security footage, authorities were able to determine that Markle broke into Ringo’s home last night around 3 a.m. after incapacitating the aging drummer’s security guards by slipping nightshade into their tea. The soon-to-be Duchess of Sussex was then able to enter the premises unimpeded and silently creep into Ringo’s bedroom. Once there, she appears to have spoken at length about her convoluted royal designs to a slumbering Ringo Starr before smothering him with a pillow.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Ringo Starr, the one man standing between Meghan Markle and that which is rightfully hers: the British crown!” Markle is heard saying on the security tape, her eyes wide as she hovers ominously over the sleeping Beatle, apparently under the assumption that he was some sort of obstacle to her mission to become queen. “Twas folly to underestimate me, Mr. Starr. For though I may have started as a humble briefcase girl on Deal Or No Deal, I have scratched and clawed my way to the top, and now I stand here before you on the cusp of fulfilling my royal destiny with nothing left to do but squash you like the Beatle you are and, in so doing, take my rightful place as next in line to be queen of England!”

The former Suits star then chuckles briefly and picks up a pillow from the bed before adding, “Well, Mr. Starr…Sometimes for a new star to shine, another must be…extinguished!”

The shocking videotape then shows Meghan Markle suffocating Ringo with the pillow for two minutes, during which the former Beatle writhes hopelessly until finally going limp. Markle then kisses Ringo on his lifeless cheek and walks out the door with a devilish smirk on her face.


British authorities report that on her way out of Starr’s mansion, Markle encountered a maid and said to her, “Ringo Starr is dead. Long live Queen Meghan.”

Wow! So much royal intrigue and Meghan Markle hasn’t even married Prince Harry yet. While she may not quite have a handle on how royal succession works, it’s clear that she certainly has her sights set on the crown. We can’t wait to see how this drama unfolds!


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