The news of Arnold Palmer’s death yesterday has left the golf world in a state of shock and mourning, and while nothing can ever fill the hole left by Palmer’s absence, golf fans can at least take comfort knowing that he will be receiving a tribute worthy of his incredible legacy. Early this morning, PGA officials announced that Arnold Palmer’s body is going to be placed in the passenger seat of a golf cart that will drive around the Augusta National Golf Club forever.
Wow. A remarkable tribute for a remarkable man.
“Arnold Palmer revolutionized the game of golf with his unsurpassed skill and admirable humility, and it is only fitting that his body should roam one of the greatest golf courses in the world for all eternity,” said PGA commissioner Tim Finchem as Palmer’s corpse was loaded into the front seat of the golf cart early this morning in front of Augusta National’s historic clubhouse. “At all hours, day and night, from the fairways and the putting greens, from the parking lots to the sand traps, Arnold’s body will be shuttling around in this driverless golf cart so that we can all admire his legacy.”
There’s no place more fitting than the club where Palmer won four Masters Tournaments to host the vehicle that will eternally shuttle his body around. And it makes it all the more meaningful that Augusta National is allowing for an exception to its ban on all golf carts in order to pay tribute to the golfing icon.
The PGA has spared no expense when it comes to honoring Palmer’s incredible life and career. The driverless golf cart will have a preprogrammed route around the course and will be in constant motion no matter the time of day. The special cart is able to be recharged and serviced while it is still in motion, meaning that it will never stop, even on holidays or in bad weather.
The memorial vehicle will also be equipped with a stereo system, which will loudly broadcast Palmer’s notable stats, such as the number of championships he won and his lifetime average stroke, as well as his height and weight at the time of his death, so that anybody nearby can learn about Palmer’s accomplishments. Club chairman Billy Payne is encouraging golfers playing on the course to kiss the tips of their golf clubs and touch them to Palmer’s forehead as the golf cart carrying his corpse passes by.
Incredible. The loss of Arnold Palmer is tragic, but it’s wonderful to know that his body will be endlessly circulating one of the most storied golf courses in the world into perpetuity. What a beautiful way to honor one of the greatest legends in golf history!
