Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.
Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.
An orange pair of barbed Crocs.

Finally, a company is standing up to toxic workplace culture in a way that makes harassers face real consequences: Crocs has sent Mario Batali a pair of barbed punishment Crocs in light of his sexual misconduct.

Yes, more of this please!

The shoe company didn’t waste any time showing it’s on the right side of history, mailing Batali a pair of Crocs that have 12 iron spikes sticking out of each sole just hours after the story of Batali’s two decades of groping and harassment broke this morning. With each spike positioned perfectly to gouge the pressure points on Batali’s feet and razor blades positioned to slice his Achilles tendons with each step around his kitchen, these shoes prove that Crocs is a company that has a zero-tolerance policy for abusers.


“Mario has been a brand ambassador for us for years, but when we heard of his despicable actions, we knew that words were not enough,” said Crocs CEO Andrew Rees at a press conference today. “We hope that when people see his feet bleeding through the holes of these punishment Crocs, they’ll know he’s facing consequences for the harm he’s systematically inflicted on women in the workplace.”

“All Crocs are lovingly engineered to be comfortable footwear for the entire family, so you can imagine how hard it was for us to make a pair designed to cause unspeakable pain to the monster Batali,” added Rees.

Well, our hats are off to Crocs. By giving its former star a pair of barbed, stainless-steel Crocs that will transform Batali’s feet into bloody, pulpy stubs of rotting flesh, the company is sending a message to all men who abuse their power to inflict sexual violence on their subordinates. Hopefully other companies will follow this amazing story of justice!

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