According to a recent study, the average American child spends 45 hours a week looking at screens, and that number is only growing. But First Lady Michelle Obama is attempting to change that statistic with her latest national initiative, which motivates kids to get off the couch, go outside, and check out this dead guy she found in the woods.
“Children are spending far too much time indoors, and I’m encouraging all kids to get outdoors to see this dead body,” said the First Lady to a crowd of hundreds assembled in the White House Rose Garden Monday. “His face is getting kinda gooey, and you can see that there are these little worms by his eyes. It’s so gross.”
Mrs. Obama stressed that the time is right now for kids to get up out of their chairs and head outside, because there’s no telling when the body might get eaten by a wolf or taken away by the cops.
“If kids come outside to see this dead dude who is decaying in a riverbed, they will see firsthand how if you pull a dead guy’s eyelids up, his pupils are rolled to the back of his head. It’s super creepy,” Obama said. “If every American child tells just two of their friends about this, we can probably get thousands of kids to see this corpse before it’s gone.”
The First Lady stressed that kids may not get another opportunity this good to see a dead body and maybe even touch a dead guy’s skin, which she emphasized feels “totally different than what you’d expect it to feel like.”
Even if kids only have time to go outside in the evenings, Mrs. Obama has promised she has a few flashlights she can bring so you can see the whole body—especially the toenails, which have begun to fall off, and have to be seen to be believed.