In a news cycle dominated by senseless acts of violence and staggering displays of greed, it’s refreshing to hear about the selfless people out there doing good for our communities. So if you’re looking to have your faith in humanity restored, look no further than the Garbrecht Waste Corp., a company that, like a modern-day Robin Hood, has been taking industrial waste from rich and powerful corporations and gifting it to poor neighborhoods all around the country.
Moving stealthily to evade the menacing grasp of the news media and the EPA, Garbrecht has been able to deliver metric ton upon metric ton of crude industrial waste to America’s neediest communities, bestowing the chemical-rich spoils of the corporate aristocracy unto those who could’ve never dreamed of having huge piles of unprocessed industrial excess to call their own.
Garbrecht’s heroics revolve largely around petroleum coke (or petcoke), a dusty, black byproduct of tar sands oil that the company deposits in low-income, predominantly black neighborhoods, surprising residents with the enormous, exposed piles of sooty wonderfulness.
It’s the gift that keeps on giving, as it pumps the air full of chromium, cadmium, and sulfates, thus lingering in the lungs of its lucky recipients for generations to come. And since residents in these communities don’t have the financial resources to pack up and leave, they never have to stop enjoying the petcoke!
And it gets even more awesome. Garbrecht is so skillful at making away with the petcoke that the corporations they’re taking it from have hardly even noticed, as they, for whatever dumb reason, keep very few records pertaining to industrial waste. Robbing from the rich and giving to the poor has never been easier!
If you thought stories like this one only happened in Disney movies, think again. Garbrecht is taking socioeconomic disparity into its own hands, and America’s impoverished finally have a reason to celebrate.