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Political Crisis: Antonin Scalia’s Vacant Supreme Court Seat Has Become A Hookup Spot For Local Teens

Get ready to start shaking your head, because this is one of the most infuriating stories you’re going to hear today.

Since Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia passed away in February, his seat on the court has remained unused. With Senate Republicans refusing to consider a nominee until after the election, hopes for filling the vacancy anytime soon have remained low, but what is happening now shows just how bad the situation has gotten: Scalia’s long empty Supreme Court seat has become one of the most popular locations in the D.C. area for local teenagers to have sex with each other.


This is the kind of political crisis where all you can do is shake your head and wonder how things got to this point.

Love or hate his decisions, Justice Scalia used to play a big role in all the high court’s activity. Sadly, his chair is now littered with the used condoms and empty beer cans of the dozens of D.C.-area teenagers who have been using the spot as a secluded place to fuck each other. Just one year ago, it’s where Justice Scalia read his dissenting opinion in Kingsley v. Hendrickson. Now you can’t get near his old seat without hearing the sounds of teens going to town on each other and blasting music.

“This is a huge problem for our community,” said D.C. resident Kate Pennington. “Now that it’s been vacant for so long, Scalia’s Supreme Court seat is pretty much just a place where teens come to fuck. We’re even getting kids from Bethesda borrowing their parents’ cars and driving to Scalia’s old seat just to take a turn having sex with each other in it.”

Until Democrats and Republicans get their act together and do something about Scalia’s empty chair, it’s going to continue being a hot spot in D.C. for high schoolers to blow each other. Just take a look at this transcript from a recent Supreme Court session:


Just horrible. It’s so sad to see Scalia’s Supreme Court seat fall into such a state of disrepair. Its former dignity is fading more and more every day as neighborhood teens continue to flock to it to have sex with each other in secret. With no end to the political bickering in sight, it’s a major political scandal that’s as infuriating as it is depressing.


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