Possibly Illegal: The Man Performing This Baby’s Circumcision Is Dressed Like A Pokémon

A legally questionable scene just unfolded at a home in Paramus, NJ that was both very troubling and very confusing: The man who performed this baby’s circumcision was dressed like a Pokémon.

It’s unclear why this happened, but we’re pretty sure there’s gotta be some sort of law against performing circumcisions under these conditions.

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Friends and family of Justin and Mary Langford were surprised when they received an invitation last week to witness the circumcision of their newborn son, Riley, which stated that the procedure would be “performed by a special guest.” Invitees were especially baffled by a notice in the invitation that stated, “This is NOT a bris. We are NOT Jewish. This is NOT a religious circumcision. This is just a special opportunity for our loved ones to witness our son get circumcised by a celebrity named Pikachu (from Pokémon).”

Guests said that, upon arriving at the ceremony, the Langfords gathered them into the living room, at which point Justin hit a large gong with a mallet and a man wearing a homemade Pikachu costume entered the room and declared, “Surrender your boy to Pikachu so that I may claim his foreskin, which is rightfully mine!” Mary then handed her infant son to the man in the Pikachu costume who placed the baby on the Langford’s ironing board and proceeded to circumcise it.

Yikes. We can’t think of any specific laws this is breaking off the top of our heads, but something about it just doesn’t seem right.

Those who witnessed this legally questionable spectacle say that the man in the Pikachu costume performed the circumcision without any difficulties and turned to the crowd and exclaimed, “Beginner’s luck!” before explaining that the only preparation he had done prior to attempting the circumcision was watching a YouTube tutorial on how to tie a half-Windsor tie knot because he “figured it was more or less the same.”

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The Pikachu man then put the child’s foreskin in a manila envelope labeled “Summer Memories” and explained to the stunned onlookers that he was going back to “Pokémon Mountain” to show the foreskin to Diglett, who he said was “definitely going to hate it.” He then left the house and walked away down the street. Justin and Mary then immediately told all their guests to get out of their house, and Justin blew an air horn until everyone left.

Jesus Christ. It really feels like somebody is supposed to go to jail for something like this. Strangers in Pokémon costumes definitely should not be circumcising babies, right? There’s got to be some law on the books about that. At best, it’s a legal grey area, but just to be safe the Pikachu guy probably should go to jail. Here’s hoping that someone alerts the police so that they can try to figure out what the hell happened here and take the appropriate action.

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