The Women's March.

On Saturday, January 20, 2018, women from all across the country will once again take to the streets and protest Donald Trump’s presidency at the second annual Women’s March. This year, though, organizers have added some new safety protocols to make all marchers feel safe: The people behind the Women’s March are providing 60-pound pussy hats made of lead for men who have committed sexual assault but still want to attend.


Wow. This is a perfect way for the Women’s March to include men who want to support feminism but need to pay the full price for the abhorrent crimes against women they’ve committed in the past!

As of this week, organizers have already started mailing out the large, heavy pussy hats made from pink, stainless steel-reinforced lead to any men who are signed up to attend the Women’s March and have either physically violated or serially harassed women. The socially aware abusers will be required to carry the immense weight of their punishment hats using only their heads and necks, and will not be allowed to take them off no matter how far behind the crowd they fall while breathlessly chanting protest slogans.


“Wearing a 60-pound punishment hat to the Women’s March is a way for abusers to show that even though they sexually assaulted someone, they still want to fight on women’s behalf,” said Sharon Heller, one of the event’s organizers. “On Saturday, anyone who fits that description is welcome to hoist their lead pussy hats onto their heads, and try their best to support it for as long as they can before their muscles give out and they are crushed by its weight and fall to the ground.”

“The lead weighted pussy hat is not just a symbol of female empowerment, but it is also for penance,” she added. “And we are proud to provide it.”


Wow. These new protest accessories are a pretty great idea, and it sounds like they’re going to revolutionize the next wave of Women’s Marches. If you’re an outspoken, feminist guy who’s groped, stalked, or intimidated a few women in your day, never fear—the march’s organizers are ready for you, and your lead pussy hat is in the mail!

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