No matter what side of the gun-control debate you fall on, everyone can agree that anything that helps make gun accidents involving children a thing of the past is a good thing. Thankfully, one mega-retailer just announced an incredible new gun-safety solution that could save thousands of children’s lives: Walmart is releasing a gun storage maze that your child will get lost in for all eternity before they ever find your gun.
Awesome! This is an amazing step toward ending accidental gun violence against children once and for all.
According to a press release from Walmart, the Great Value Home Firearm Maze contains an endlessly shifting sequence of corridors to guarantee that children who enter it are never able to properly orient themselves, leaving virtually zero chance that a young boy or girl could successfully navigate its complexities and find the gun stowed at the labyrinth’s end. With this maze suitable for any commercially available firearm, gun owners can have complete peace of mind knowing that their children will grow old, gray, and insane before ever making it through the maze’s infinitely tormenting sequences of intricacies and traps.
“As a company that sells a wide range of firearms, it is also our responsibility to offer customers the best in firearm safety,” Walmart said in a press release. “The Great Value Home Firearm Maze allows customers to exercise their Second Amendment rights while making sure that their loved ones vanish for all eternity before they are ever endangered. If your child disappears into our innovative new gun storage system, leaving no trace but for their whimpers faintly echoing in perpetuity, you’ll know that the Great Value Home Firearm Maze is working well.”
Additionally, the maze’s paths are ever-changing, a security feature that ensures that even if your child begins to understand its shape after decades of wandering its passages, familiar paths close off and new asymmetric paths open to put your gun that much farther out of their reach. Compounded with trick doors and disorienting mirrors, this is a protective measure that Walmart argues could truly make the difference between life and death in homes across the country.
Whoa. If this is as effective as it sounds, who knows how many kids this maze will save from ending up as another gun-violence statistic? Kudos to Walmart for caring so much about keeping our children safe!