A Facebook page.

It can often be difficult to understand the inner workings of large social media companies, but thankfully, the biggest one around just did something major to increase its transparency: Facebook will now send its users open and honest updates about just how powerless each and every one of them is!

Wow, this is definitely a game changer. It’s so refreshing to see a company that’s willing to take the time to be upfront with its users about how they are all just cogs in an unstoppable, monolithic machine!


As of today, Facebook says users should start to see a lot more notifications on their timelines, each of which will point out ways in which users have zero control and how they will succumb to the will of the company whenever it demands. According to a press release, Facebook is 100 percent committed to redesigning people’s news feeds to give them better, more detailed explanations about why they’re just a bunch of helpless little bitches who are addicted to their platform, or what they can do to better understand why Mark Zuckerberg is king and why he will always own their asses.

Plus, as they navigate the site, users will now periodically see helpful pop-ups that say things like “Did you know? Our algorithms have studied you for so long that even if you deleted your account, we’d still fucking own you” and “Fun fact: We know more about you than you ever will, so maybe it’s time to just give in!”

“Here at Facebook, we believe that our users don’t deserve to be in the dark, which is why we’ve made changes to the site to helpfully remind everyone that, effectively, we own them, every single one of them, now and forever,” said vice president of Facebook’s News Feed Adam Mosseri this morning. “That’s why our outreach team is working around the clock to help you understand exactly what you’ve done to yourself by signing up for Facebook. You gave us everything about you—all your interests, all your relationships, every place you’ve ever lived—and we want you to know how weak that makes you.”

“Each individual update will remind you who is in charge,” Mosseri continued. “Then you can just click out of the message and continue on your way.”


So much yes! In a time of such uncertainty, it’s admirable of Facebook to respect its users enough to give it to them straight. Other social media sites take note, because Facebook reminding you that you are nothing but an ant to them is 100 percent transparency done right.

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